Hey. Long time no see!
I went to see Mom's Night Out, Saturday night with a bunch of Sisters from Church. It was a pretty funny movie! Laughing almost all the way through, Tears were shed, from humor and from (not finding the word I'm looking for). Its about a mom who is overwhelmed with being a mom, and takes a night out and things just get worse and funnier from there. The dads try to take care of the kids, a baby is lost, shoulders dislocated, Bikers, Cops, Bowling... This is one for a date night. Its honest, morally clean, down to earth, and every mom and dad can learn from it and relate to it!
I've been struggling as a mom and wife. October last year was a turning point, light bulb clicked moment. Marriage was pretty rocky, not because He was bad or he didst love me, it was bad because I didn't know how it should be. There's alot of differences over the word in the Bible 'Submit', and to Submit to your husbands. The main point is that they are to be respected as the head of the household. I was used to running the show. I was mothering him. When I came upon a few books, (Power of a positive Wife, Marriage Matters and the Wife accompanying booklet, The Proper care and feeding of Husbands) it really changed how I felt about my position in the marriage and how I was wrong. (Hey I wasn't the only one at fault, He had his things too, still does, I still do too, but His aren't my concern, I can't change his, Only mine.)
I think alot of my views were because of how I grew up (I don't know if I use this as an excuse or what, but...) IT was just my mom, brother and I. My grandparents were pretty active in our lives and their marriage was pretty strong, but in our little world, mom was the boss, and me the boss of my brother. There was no man in charge. So in my own marriage I carried that over, I'm the boss. I made most of the decisions, and I tried to mother my husband. Which worsened the relationship I would compare us to others (still do-its really hard not to). I would watch movies and TV shows and get depressed that our life and love wasn't as special or perfect as what I just viewed.
The grass might be greener on the other side, but so is the water bill.
This trickled down to the kids. My kids, I love them, really do, but man is it hard to mother them. I'm supposed to be able to say something and them to do it. NOT NOT NOT NOT I have an eleven year old boy that is mouthy, nothing makes him happy, he likes nothing and hates everything. A 9 year old always right going on 30 little girl. A 6.5 year old boy that is considerably smarter than the rest of us and I am so proud, but he is getting disobedient and slightly off my good list. And lastly a 3.5 year old independent boy who wants candy every five minutes and makes me want to pull my hair out! I am a screaming mother. (UGH!) I hate being a screaming mother. When I ask someone to do something they grumble, complain, and stomp their feet. Makes me so upset. I don't know how to stop them, they don't respond to screaming but yet I still scream. They don't help around the house, They walk by trash and dirty clothes, they don't respect their toys, nor the cleaning I do. Whits END.
I have given up on their rooms, If they want to live like that, fine.
I am going to God for the rest. I am getting on my knees to ask for strength in dealing with the attitudes, the disrespect I and my husband receive from them. I can't do anything else.
I feel like a failure as a mom. I know I am not, but that doesn't make me feel any better. I know God entrusted these children to me. So now I feel like I am failing him.
I'm having a hard time staying Faithful. Our current situation, is financially unfit for a family of six. I could use some prayer warriors out there if I have any followers that pray, please do. I need to put my priorities in order. I am not acting like a Child of God, I am being disobedient to him. I need to follow is rules, how can i expect my kids to listen to me if I don't listen to God. Am I a disappointment to God?